Goodbye, Mum. Uscimmo di home at three and eight, with a laugh. In advance, as always, but I expected from my best friend? The church is two hundred yards from his house. I tried to imagine what I look like: In the morning I wore a black shirt, tight-fitting and synthetic, for the occasion, covering it almost completely with the fleece of the same color from the big pockets and sleeves tattered. Nothing better at home. My favorite pants, a brown-dark green, were readily prepared two days before. I love them. Six large pockets, where I could put everything. Airwalk at the foot of the usual green and blue, in the pants that covered the laces. My hair was unwatchable. I took a shower the day before, and the effect della tanto desiderata piastra era andato a farsi fottere. Crespi, intrecciati. La frangetta era stata saggiamente riposta dietro l'orecchio sinistro con una forcina. Lanciai uno sguardo al braccio destro. Sotto la manica spessa e pesante della felpa si nascondevano provvisori tatuaggi creati con i colori a spirito, con il mio nome in giapponese scritto prima a penna, poi inciso nella carne con le forbici, e una versione variopinta del DEATH NOTE, in giapponese sopra l'italiano, con tanto di una mela dalle molteplici sfumature a coronarla. Disegni che mia madre non avrebbe mai dovuto scoprire.
Cercavo di scherzare, stando al gioco, ma i miei pensieri erano lungi dall'essere felici. Dopotutto, stavamo andando ad un funerale.
Salendo quel piccolo tratto of road that separated us-indeed, that separated me from tears, we saw the head of Mirco tick by on a white Opel Astra. He, too, in advance, as always, I thought. The car moved and I could also see Sharon, too small to appear on top of the machine. Joined them in four steps, and we respectfully we turned the other way. Behind us, the person who for almost two years now, our nightmares populated school: prof. Italian.
I avoided looking at her now. I was right there for two days, and I knew how I would find. I also knew his condition would have astonished me. In tears. Bitter tears all too human.
I had tried several times to trace his psychological profile, per capire bene come avrei dovuto comportarmi con lei. E con rabbia avevo scoperto che, dopo le linee generali, non riuscivo ad andare oltre. Una umiliazione terribile. Di solito sapevo prevedere i comportamenti di chi mi circondava, ma con lei niente da afre. Imprevedibile. Sapevo benissimo che sarei stata sconvolta, e ne avevo motivo. Quello che i miei compagni non capiscono è che io ho una percezione molto diversa e molto più terribilmente dettagliata di una standard.
Ci girammo: eravamo in quattro, e non sapevamo che fare. Condoglianze? E come si fa? Adesso o dopo? Malgrado la situazione, ridicola e troppo osèe per i livelli dei miei "amici", tre di noi trattenevano a stento le risate -risate isteriche e improbabili, ma risate-. Tre di noi erano nervosi e in veno di scherzi. La quarta ero io.
Come un le vibrisse di un gatto, il mo corpo tastava la tristezza e la disperazione nell'aria. Ed eccolo lì, il punto centrale, la fonte dell'aura viola che mi appesantiva il cuore. Una donna sui cinquant'anni, di altezza sotto il normale, dai capelli rossi e neri e occhiali verde chiaro, cappotto nero e, sul volto un poco rugoso, bagnato di lacrime. Presi coraggio e consapevole del dolore che avrei inflitto a me stessa, mi azzardai a guardarla. Come avevo preveduto, il suo stato era... strano. Nel suo volto e nella sua mente il dolore c'era, e forte, ma conviveva con una sorta di... passiva accettazione. Scoprii con orrore che il mio modo di soffrire era simile al suo, sebbene molto più complex.
Some of us wanted to go immediately to make these ... condolences. We were excited because the caves did not come. Where to from here, near the bus stop, comes David. We pulled a sigh of relief as he always knows what to do.
Be ', did not know.
arrived three or four companions. The Mass was beginning, and the prof. and others, including Dean, they entered. We took the obvious decision: to follow the stream of people who were accessing the site. We reached hastily two benches empty and we sat down, talking excitedly among ourselves to decide what to do. Meanwhile, I noticed, who entered proceeded to ... I shuddered. In front of the altar was a tomb of dark wood, covered with flowers, and beside her ... the nearest relative that the old gentleman had: his daughter. The people approached and said something, or were silent, to her, then kissing his cheeks. With people more aware of the kiss ended with a hug, and sometimes a few tears.
I was not the only one to notice the comings and goings of people. My group got up, I asked Sharon what and how.
-We are a flock of sheep-
I told her, with a half-laughing child. Proceeded to the altar. Prof. and saw us, one by one, we kiss. I was the last. The final and, among the fifteen students who had arrived in the meantime, the only one with the tears that were standing on the edge of the lashes. There we gave a quick kiss, as is customary, and coma I whispered to the other, plan "Thanks."
I returned to my seat, being affected by the power of that word. It was not part of the usual thanks I felt. The word was like a way to make gratitude. I would never have believed that such a feeling would come out with such force from the lips of the woman. I went back in place, close to the end of the bench thinking and governing the impulse that told me to help her. He was a limit I had set: violating the rules only in extreme cases. And if it was, well, 'I was blinded by common sense and respect. I allowed myself to observe it, and slowly begins to share the horror. From time to time one of my companions, now close and crowded on benches, threw a curious glance and almost annoyed at me. I do not care. The confusion that penetrated my mind ... pain, suffering, the imposition to be strong. I looked away, out of respect, and the Mass began.
clenched fists on the hips to hold me, in a gesture that, if one of my observers had been paying attention, would certainly have been coded as anger.
Biascicai two words on the cross when he was on duty, and I made signs slowly and gently. Even such an event could awaken my faith in this type of church. I tried to communicate, stupidly, with the source of pain.
It's okay. It should be better now. Calm. You're not alone.
that "you", because even mentally, the lowered my level, with embarrassment and I realized at that moment could have been treated this way. Not a weakness, a need.
Standing, sitting. Cross on the forehead, mouth, heart. Standing, sitting.
I stirred from my desk. Do not even moved my legs once, fearing that the movement would have forced me to act. Then came the moment of communion. The beat quickened. I would not have gone to the altar to take white bread. Twice I was asked why, and a whispered "I can not" without explanation. I stubbornly refused to profess a man like that. My relationship with religion is more than good, but in the balance. I hate the way that the ultimate truth is disfigured and ruined. Humanity sa cogliere la perfetta semplicità delle cose.
Ascoltavo il prete, un uomo basso e tondo, in modo superficiale. Quando però iniziò a parlare della madre della prof., mi feci attenta.
Venni a conoscenza che la tanto temuta donna era vissuta da sempre con la madre, poiché il padre era morto prima che lei nascesse. Quando la madre si era ammalata, lei aveva iniziato ad occuparsene da sola, non avendo marito né parenti. Il parroco usò le parole "passare la sua croce". I miei occhi diventarono fessure per un istante, momentaneamente odiando quell'uomo che così rovinava l'insieme.
Infine la Messa finì. Uscii dopo gli altri, lentamente. Avevo il cuore pesante, e gli occhi gonfi. Il mio umore ultimamente era stato orribile, e i miei problemi erano peggiorati. Il colpo di grazia mi sfasciò la fragile benda con cui avevo avvolto la mente. Raggiunsi gli altri, ma mi misi da parte, dietro un'altra coppia di persone, stando bene attenta ad evitare prof. e simili. Dopo qualche istante iniziò a piovere. La mia felpona aveva il cappuccio, ma attesi prima di metterlo. E fissai la pioggia. Davanti a me, la macchina dove dopo dopo sarebbe stata spostata la bara per portarla al cimitero. A vedere l'ambiente ricolmo di fiori mi si chiuse lo stomaco, e per respingere le lacrime dovetti guardare in alto.
La mia migliore amica doveva andare alla lezione di nuoto. Volevo rimanere, cercare di dare il mio contributo disperato alla cerimonia, ma fui costretta ad andare.Noi boys, having no means of transport, we would still have to follow and end the procession. I wondered suddenly of a particular I had not considered: it would have been buried. I had no idea why.
greet the other, and I wanted to shake hands with the prof. But you could not see, including people.
We turned, and full of thoughts, I pulled down the hood in the meantime I had protected from the rain. My friend covered with his sweatshirt. He walked briskly, dodging cars that went in the opposite direction, toward the cemetery. I immediately distanced. When we were a little distant from the traffic, he stopped to see where I was, and gave me a resigned look of indignation at my face discovered.
"get wet!" Flashed before his eyes.
continued walking, ignoring her. I also thought of her, and how easy it was his perfect life.
I do not put the cap, Michy, closed my eyes and a single, small and innocent tear came down her cheek wet.
.... this rain hides the tears. That's when it happened today. My heart wrote these words for a soul which now has more body, and for those who still remember.
Goodbye, Mum.